Round three - ding ding!

Allright sports fans - are you ready for Round 3? I am, I guess. I went for a run yesterday to help clear my mind, and, due to my not really running after week 22 of pregnancy (ummm, yeah, that would be the CC Sneak in late April) and a tad of fatigue which I'll go ahead and blame on chemo, I was running REALLY slow and having a hard time hanging on to my goal of running 3 miles. Not consecutively, people, don't get ahead of yourselves. That's still a ways away. But regardless, I wanted to run 3 just to prove to myself that I could do it. To keep in mind, pre-baby, pre-chemo my "short, easy" runs were 4-6 miles, so 3 "should be" cake. Well it wasn't yesterday, and when I wanted to give up, to walk, I just kept telling myself, just a few more steps, just pick up the legs and keep moving forward, just keep doing it, because if you make it all 3 miles, girl, you're gonna feel like a million bucks. And you know what? It was hard, it sucked, I was exhausted and wanted so bad to give up, but I just knew that if I did, I would feel way less than a million bucks - I would feel like a dollar. And I just couldn't disappoint myself like that. So I powered through, and felt like a total rock star at the end. My piddly three miles, and I had a grin on my face that you couldn't wipe off all day. I've been dreading doing this round of chemo, and 3 more after it, for most of this week. But I'm trying to think of it like my run - just keep putting one foot in front of each other, just don't give up, just keep on keeping on, and eventually I'll make it to the finish line and it will all be worth it. But I know that every step will be hard, just like that damn run. It will hurt, it won't be pretty, it will be slow going sometimes and easier others, but in a few months, I get to receive the title of "chemo survivor" and I'm gonna be damn proud of it, thank you very much. Hats off to all the folks out there doing chemo - it's hard, it's not fun, but you make it through because you have to and because your spirit is strong.

Tomorrow will mark #3 of 6, a huge milestone to be 1/2 way through. (Well OK halfway through chemo, with 7 fun months of Herceptin every three weeks for a year, but I keep being told it will be "nothing" so I'm counting on that and trying hard not to think about that right now!) It will feel SO good to be halfway through, but it's still a long, tough ride ahead. One foot in front of another, one foot in front of another.... Repeat until January...

Since I've always been all about the music, I've adopted a "theme song" of sorts that I play to psyche myself up for chemo and other cancer-related toughness - an awesome, upbeat song by country singers Rodney Atkins. Here are a few excerpts...

If you're going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there

But the good news
Is there's angels everywhere out on the street
Holding out a hand to pull you back up on your feet
The one's that you've been dragging for so long
You're on your knees
You might as well be praying
Guess what I'm saying

Yeah, If you're going through hell
Keep on moving, face that fire
Walk right through it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there

I play it constantly to remind me to keep on pounding through, if I can just pick up my pace a bit I might sneak past the devil! Here's to hoping...

Love you all! See ya on the other side of hell, I mean chemo...
Amy

18 comments:

Hillary said...

Movement in a forward direction, no matter how fast or slow, is still progress. You are almost halfway through. I am proud of you for being so vibrant and for being so Amy.

ElaineB said...

That is my favorite song from the Chemo Sucks CD. You're strength and will power is an absolute inspiration to me. And you're right, it's one foot in front of the other. We will survive this and watch our babies grow up!

XO - Elaine

Anonymous said...

i love you and I am going to find that song and play it right now. You are phenomenal, Amy. Spirited beyond measure - and loved by so many. Hugs to you as you head into #3. ...jen jansky

ames2001 said...

I love that song and it is perfect for motivation. Congrats on pushing through your big run and being almost half way through!!

Amy Van Wanseele said...

Amy, you are amazing and have the heart of a survivor. Good luck and as we say around my house, "just keep swimming."

Anonymous said...

The Lyon Family continues to send you our best energy and our finest LOVE. Your Doula sending nothing but angels.

Love to you
Penny
(go cu/CSU)

Anonymous said...

Amy, You are such an amazing woman!! I'll be thinking about you as you head in to round 3.

Brenda

gianna said...

love bug....your a rock! your a rock star! your a rock-a-billy! go rock that mother effin round 3 of chemo my friend. kisses

AmyMcD said...

Thank you ALL for the comments!!! I love them (and you guys!!) - they keep me inspired and feeling loved and like I can and will do this!!

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed reading your blog tonight. Wow your doing great! Way to go on the 3 miles your a Rock Star!

Good luck on the next round :)

Amy

AmyMcD said...

Hi again - quick reminder if you post Anonymously, please leave your first and last name, so I know who you are! (if you want to of course!) :) Love to all, you guys get me through this...

LD said...

Ahhh...Aims, Running is grueling! But life outside of running should be getting easier, better! Running is truly the one authenic tonic for whatever ails you! The only certified elixer of beauty&health! The A-1 tincture to boost vitality&strenght! If only someone could hand it to us in a bottle! However...the ultimate "super tonic" is carried in the wind..you cant see it, but it's there, floating outside the window right now, all you have to do to get a dose is put on your running shoes and RUN FOR IT!

Anonymous said...

A,

I am so very proud of you, Love. Keep on keeping on. My positive thoughts are with you and your beautiful family. You are a strong one, Lady! Big Love! Jes

Charlotte Walker said...

This is the most worthwhile race of your life! Even if it is grueling, I know that you are capable of crossing the finish line so that smile can be permanently plastered on that lovely face of yours. When in doubt that this is too much to handle, return to this comment board - you have many cheerleaders to encourage you, rebuild your spirit, carry you when you're unable to run and celebrate your victory at the end of it all.

I am so proud of you for making these days special. It is your vibrant spirit and tenacity that is allowing you to find diamonds in this rough patch in your life. You are OWNING this experience. And for that, you have already won the race in my view.

Hugs to you, Brian and the boys.
Charlotte

A.J. said...

An excellent approach to life in general, but especially during the "hell" times. One foot in front of the other leads to one more mile, one more day, one more month. Before you know it, you're through it. HUGE HUGS to you for round three and much love. ~Amy V.

Annie Vinton said...

Go get 'em girl!

Anonymous said...

Roland, the runner, is so proud of you Amy. I admire your spirit and you talk and act like a real runner and winner.

Love,

Roland

P.s. you go girl. Gayle

Brian Kay said...

Rock on! er, Country on! We find CMT endlessly fascinating and love your reference to Rodney Atkins. It's fun that you are enjoying country again!
Love,
Brian, Bonnie, Rachel, and Kevin

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