I'm alive!!

Hooray! I'm happy to say that I have survived another round of chemo! Only 4 more to go! And I'm even happier that this round was at least 100 times "easier" - although anyone who has been through chemo knows that "easy" is code word for the worst weeks of your life. By easier I mean that this round was livable - certainly not a walk in the park, but compared to last time, it really couldn't have gotten worse. This time I thankfully did not have the shaking vision and/or absolutely excrutiating pain. I could actually make it through the days with just non-stop Aleve, extra strength Tylenol, lots of heating pads and the mental knowledge that however bad it got, it would be over in a few days. This time, I wasn't in so much pain that I couldn't function; I could actually watch TV (FOOTBALL!!!) and get away from the pain instead of focusing in on it coursing through my body. Whether it was the extra IV fluids my dr. had me take (probably not), taking more Claritin to help with the back, neck and my favorite, the mastectomy pain (debatable - something about the histamine reaction?) or just staying on top of the OTC meds (this combined with having higher hemoglobin levels and overall blood volume is what I'm guessing made the difference), I didn't even have to think about filling the Percocet prescription my dr. finally gave me!! Huge thanks to my parents and my in-laws, who watched the kids this weekend and into the week so that I could focus on my physical and mental recovery, and as always, to my incredible husband for helping pull me through another round. And to you all, for your wonderful thoughts, prayers, texts, e-mails, food, etc. - I really couldn't do this without you all - apparently it takes a village to kick cancer's ass! I know how lucky I am to have this phenomenal support; I love you all so much!

So now I get to enjoy two more weeks of "happy Amy" before "chemo Amy" rears her ugly head again on Nov 5. But troop on I must, so I will.

When I learned I would be losing my hair due to chemo, my biggest fear was how Drew (4 years old) would handle having a mommy with no hair. As I've stated in a previous post, I knew I would probably wear wigs in "public" but thought I would probably go wig-less at home, for comfort reasons. I've been surprised and elated to see his reaction - or lack thereof! I have to share a hilarious story about the innocence of kids, and how not a big deal it is to them. Drew and his best buddy, a girl we'll call A, (who has gorgeous, long hair that she is growing out to give to Locks of Love!) were sitting in the back of A's mom's car, on their way to A's house for a playdate. Drew started talking about how much he liked his hair being so short, and said "A, it's so funny - my daddy shaved his head, I shaved my head, and my mommy shaved her head, and Ty has no hair, so now we all don't have hair!" She giggled, agreed that it was cool, and said "your mommy has such beautiful hair! (referring to Fancy Nancy)". Drew said "yeah, it's super cool - she can put it on and then she has hair, and when she takes it off, she doesn't!" They both giggled again, then started talking about something else. It warms my heart to know that Drew loves his mommy, hair or no hair, no matter what. It doesn't freak him out that sometimes I have hair and sometimes I don't - he knows that as long as I'm there for him to shower him with love, support and kisses, it doesn't really matter. And for me, when I'm laying in bed with him at bedtime, just knowing that all I have to be is the best mommy I can be, hair or no hair, he'll love me regardless, is the best gift in the world. Drewman, you rock...

Before I sign off, a quick shout out to my girl Brooke, my inspiration and friend, who completed her BC treatment this morning!! You are a true rock star, my friend, I love you and am so happy to have you to lead me through this crazy journey. Here's to you, and me following in your footsteps!! And here's to everyone who has kicked the crap out this disease with their love, strength and courage - a journey few would choose, but those who are chosen are stronger and happier in the end...

Amy

Round two, here we come!

So tomorrow I go in to battle the chemo dragon again. The good news is that I met with my oncologist yesterday to figure out a plan so that hopefully I won't experience as much pain this time around, the bad news is that I have to do it again... and four more times after that... I keep trying to convince my Dr. that 4 rounds would certainly be sufficient, but she isn't buying it. Bummer. So I'm taking a deep breath, hoping and praying that this time will be slightly easier and possibly even won't take me out of commission for a full 7 days, maybe 5 or 6 this time? And trying not to be scared. For me that's the hard part - being scared and feeling helpless. For those of you that know me, you know that scared and helpless are NOT my usual M.O. - I HATE feeling this way.

On that note, I want to send a HUGE shout out to those of you that have contributed hugely to my mental health by making it possible (through donations of money, babysitting time and LOVE) for me to work out at the gym. I met with my personal trainer on Monday for the first time, and cannot recall being so incredibly happy to get my butt fully kicked. I seriously felt like I was on "The Biggest Loser" working out with Jillian, and just that feeling made me so happy!! The personal training and spin/weight lifting classes I am able to do with your generous help are helping me so much feel healthy, STRONG in mind and body and like a piece of me is still the same - all very important during this time for me. I can't tell you what a difference it has made in the last few weeks, being able to get back to my regular workout routine - the strength, physical and mental, that I am getting is so crucial to feeling whole and having "happy Amy" around. We all like her a lot better than the alternative! My kids and husband thank you too!! I've been able to start swimming, biking, running and lifting over the past few weeks, so I've been excitedly eyeing upcoming races like the Winter Distance Series 5K on Dec. 19, of course the Beaver Creek snowshoe series (especially the Susan G. Komen fundraiser!!) and am looking ahead to planning my tri schedule for 2010 - anyone want to join me for Tri for the Cure? That's a must, along with the Highlands Ranch sprint tri and definitely an Olympic distance this year... Just knowing that I can and will get back to racing makes me happy. I'm by far NOT the strongest or fastest triathlete out there, never have been and never will be - but again, triathlon makes me feel strong, whole and happy; everyone should find something that makes them feel like triathlons do for me.

I also want to again thank everyone who has helped our family out in other ways, with dinners, breakfasts, babysitting, playdates, heartfelt gifts (all so wonderful and appreciated, from pedicure gift certificates to race schwag to.... wait for it.... hand-knitted fake boobs - my FAVE and very well loved!!!!), advice, thoughts and LOVE. I know this is a marathon, not a sprint (well, OK, probably more like an Ironman) so your continued love and support is so important to us. After this, we'll have 4 more to go, so eye on the prize, looking to mid-January and SUPER excited for a very good friend's wedding in February, when I'll be done with treatments and ready to celebrate in style the union of two incredible people.

I'll leave you with this last thought, and then it's radio silence until late next week...

"Turn up the music, turn it up loud, take a few chances, let it all out, 'cuz you won't regret it, looking back from where you have been, 'cuz it's not who you knew, and it's not what you did, it's how you lived...." -Point of Grace, "How You Live" (look for it on iTunes - it's a MUST LISTEN!!!!)

OK, just kidding, one final thought: I'd love for you all to comment on my blog, and hope you haven't been having trouble! From my good friend Sonja, who set up this blog: "if you want to comment and you are having trouble, you can choose Name/URL in the comment drop down box, type your name, leave the URL blank, and then type your comment."

Love you all!

Amy, Brian, Drew and Ty

The Pink Ribbon Chronicles are going virtual, baby!

Since my diagnosis on July 30, I have been e-mailing updates to friends and family to communicate information and share my story. My "Pink Ribbon Chronicles" has been a great way to keep everyone informed and I've loved the responses I've gotten - they have often pulled me through when I needed it. A good friend of mine, Sonja (pictured here with me after she shaved her head with me on Friday night, then proceeded to WIN Race for the Cure on Sunday, racing for me!) suggested that I create a blog that would not only allow me to share information, but photos and other goodies as well, and I loved the idea but didn't know exactly how to go about it. Well, thanks to Sonja, (a blogger herself - check out www.gosonja.com) The Pink Ribbon Chronicles are going virtual!!

I will now be using this format instead of e-mail updates to communicate, which is very exciting. I'll be able to share information more efficiently, add tons of photos, and blog about things in a more casual way, all the while knowing that you all will still get the info you need!! I'm still getting the hang of this, but I'm pretty sure you can subscribe to my blog, so you can find out when I've updated it, or just check back as often as you'd like. I'll be figuring it out right along with you...

Thanks to Son for making me a "blogger" (yikes!) - I already know I'm going to get addicted! Stay tuned for more adventures...

Love, Amy

Fancy Nancy is in the house - watch out world!

In the past few months, I have been lucky enough to have several special women come into my life. While I am so sad that we have had to be diagnosed with breast cancer in order to meet, I feel truly blessed to have them in my life, and know that we will always be friends. One of these people is Brooke. She was a sorority sister of one of my good friends, and when I told this friend my news, she said "Amy, you have to talk to Brooke - she is awesome, you will love her, and she is going through what you're going through right now!" When Brooke and I connected, I felt like I had known her for years the first time we talked. I have talked about in previous posts how I had to be "led into" each stage of treatment in doses, rather than be hit with everything at the same time, so as not to break down into pieces. In talking with Brooke, in her sweet southern accent, she mentioned "oh sweetie, I don't mean to scare you, but I don't think you can be Estrogen negative and avoid chemo." And such was my introduction to losing my hair. Seconds after that bomb, Brooke said "but don't worry, there are great wigs!" and proceeded to e-mail me the picture of her incredible wig (see pic above right). "People don't even know - I get compliments all the time!" she proclaimed! From that moment on, I knew I HAD to find a wig that would make me feel like Brooke felt - self-confident and HAPPY. So, a week later, chemo diagnosis in hand, I went to Hana Designs, a wig shop I had never known about, just 10 minutes from my house, and picked out the sweetest wig I could find. Strawberry blonde, lots of layers, most of the way down my back, since I could never in a million years grow my own hair that long. I brought Brian and several of my girlfriends in to assess the wig, and everyone said "yeah, that looks incredible, Ame!" The day after my head shaving party, one of my best girlfriends and I went to Hana to have the wig fitted and cut, and then headed to the bar to "break in" my new accessory (see pic above left). Dubbing her "Fancy Nancy" we toasted to good times and kicking cancer's ass in style. Fast forward a week later - I was approached by a total stranger, who could not get over my hair, going on and on about how gorgeous and shiny it was. I resisted the urge to spill the beans about my little secret, preferring instead to later tell all my friends how hysterical it was that a stranger complimented my fake hair - in my entire life, I have not received one compliment on my real hair, yet here I was, 4 days into wearing my wig, and I was getting compliments on my fake hair! So without further ado, let me introduce the world to "Fancy Nancy" - my new BFF. Now, while "Fancy Nancy" is definitely called for on some occasions, there are times that call for a slightly less "fancy" do - enter "Jillian". Originally dubbed for her exercise functionality, she is to be worn under hats only, but I have decided that she is too fine of quality to be sweated on. So Jillian (a straight, slightly shorter, yet still gorgeous wig) will be worn with hats for everyday running the kids around, and "Bob," a curly, inexpensive wig, will be accompanying me when it's time to work out. As I have learned from my good friend Brooke (who has her "fancy hair, pool hair and exercise hair") it is very important to have different wigs for different facets of life. I'm grateful to Brooke for helping me get to the point where I am comfortable with losing my hair, knowing that I can still look good, be confident, and even astound strangers with how incredible my hair is. Like Brooke, I have never once cried over losing my hair, but instead embraced the fun I can have with wigs and feeling confident about myself during a process which can be very trying on self-esteem. I am glad to have Fancy Nancy, Jillian and Bob in my life to help me feel less like a cancer patient and more like a glamour girl.

Cheers to Brooke - an amazing mom, a beautiful and strong woman, an inspirational friend who always has time to talk and the right words for me to hear. I love you, Brooke, and am honored to call you my friend. And cheers to sweet, low maintenence hair!!

Amy

A Huge Thank You!!

Wow! I think it will take a while to fully recover from this past weekend!

The weekend started out on Friday with the Black Eyed Peas blaring "So tonight's gonna be a good good night" out of my iPod while I drank pink champagne and awaited the arrival of 50+ friends and family, 15 of whom would be shaving their own heads in support of me. It was an unforgettable evening, full of incredible people and lots of fun! Special thank yous go out to Gianna, who shaved 13 heads - that's a lot of hair, people! And Ben, Jen and others, who documented the whole thing with some great photos!! Here are some of my faves... What a night. Truly so special to me. Thank you to all for supporting my crazy idea and making it perfect with your presence, head shaving and just in general not acting like I was insane!!









Then, on Sunday, I had the incredible honor of participating in Race for the Cure, alongside more than 85 people, all of whom came out on a chilly morning to walk in my support. I am truly humbled and forever changed by the experience of seeing you all out there and feeling the enormity of how incredibly loved and supported I am (picture below blows my mind every time I look at it!). Together, we raised more than $8,000, which was among the top 15 teams for all fundraising. Incredible. A huge thank you to Nicole for organizing such a huge undertaking, making 50+ indian headdresses and being the team cheerleader and champion! Adding to the excitement of the morning, just prior to the family walk, my good friend Sonja (who had shaved her head on Friday with me - see picture below of Sonja and my good friend Chris, both shaved on Friday!) won the 5K race and told my story on 9News! We're still awaiting a link to the coverage, but had so many family and friends see the live feed - very cool. She was also asked to guest blog on Mile High Mamas, and that blog was picked up by Susan G. Komen. The PR is piling up folks! :)







Since my diagnosis, I have had several girlfriends request a mammogram/ultrasound from the OBs, telling them my story. I want to say how PROUD I am of you ladies for taking charge of your health. It's a scary thing to do, but well worth it to have the peace of mind. I encourage you all to share my story with your doctor, then make them "find a reason" for a mammogram and/or ultrasound. A good OB will do this for you - if they won't, I would personally find another doctor. I also want to say that, if you do have concerns about a suspicious lump, FORCE your doctor to do something about it, or change doctors. I have heard too many horror stories lately about doctors who dismissed patients' concerns as "too young and healthy" to have breast cancer. My friends, no one knows how quickly and aggressively cancer grows, especially in young people, and literally, waiting a few months can mean the difference between a much more difficult struggle... or worse. On the lightrail ride home from Race for the Cure, I spoke with a group of young people that lost their friend Tessa in June to breast cancer. Last year, Tessa, at 7 months pregnant, told her doctor about a lump she was concerned about. Her concerns were dismissed as "a clogged milk duct". However, days after her C-section to deliver her son Landon, doctors found that it was indeed cancer, and had spread to her bones, liver and lymph nodes, and she was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer. (Mine was stage 2 - VERY curable thank goodness, whereas stage 4 not so much). Six months later, Tessa lost her battle with breast cancer, leaving behind her husband and six-month old baby boy. Oh by the way, she was 28 years old when she died. I'm not trying to scare you - but no one ever thinks it will happen to them. Please, do it today. It makes me happy to know that I have already influenced some of you to take charge of their health, and hopefully more to come!!

Thank you again for your presence in my life, and for supporting me and my family on this crazy journey. Stay tuned for more chemo adventures to come beginning next Thursday... Think good positive chemo-battling thoughts...

All our love and thanks,
Amy and Brian and family

Pink Ribbon Chronicles - Part 8

Love. Strength. Courage.

This has been my mantra over the past week, and boy, has it been a week.

As Brian alluded to in his update e-mail, I erroneously believed that after two drug-free deliveries and a double mastectomy, I had a pretty decent pain tolerance and had nothing to worry about with regards to chemo. Wow, was I wrong. Chemo was about 150 times harder than I ever thought it would be, physically and emotionally. From a "bad drug trip" kind of emotional experience to shaking vision to uncontrolled, unbearable neck, back and post-mastectomy pain and finally a blood transfusion; there were times when I thought I would never be pain-free again or have my personality and laughter back!

In that light (to my horror!) people were actually asking if the head-shaving party was cancelled - WHAT?!?! This is NOT the Amy we know and love!! As I lay on my couch struggling with how to cope with the pain, the thought that got me through was "chemo will NOT keep me from having a party!!!!" So, that question is answered. The party is ON, in a big way. One word of caution however - while I want every one of you here for the party, PLEASE do not come if you are currently or feel you are, getting sick. I'm told that my body is the most "immunocompromised" in the period 7-14 days following chemo - AKA today through next Thursday. Yeah, good time to have a huge party. Oh well, can't have chemo keeping me from living life - but can be smart about it. So please, love ya, but no sick people and also remember to wash your hands frequently and/or use hand sanitizer while at Casa de McDowell tomorrow evening. Also, if possible, please arrive promptly at 6 p.m. if you want to see the head-shaving festivities in full swing. We plan to keep all hair outside, and since it is getting dark/cold by 7:15 these days, we're hoping to get people shaved quickly! We'll move the shaving into the garage if necessary, but it will be more fun to do it on the patio... My incredible husband has volunteered to go first, followed by "the main event"!

Thank you all so much for your messages of strength, love and support. I am humbled by the fact that there will be nearly 50 people in attendance tomorrow at the party and more than 80 walking with us on Sunday who have raised a total of more than $4,500 that will help ensure that this disease will never haunt anyone else again. I feel so incredibly loved, and that is what gets me through when the pain and doubt take over. A special thank you also for your support of Brian through this process. The role of "breast cancer husband" is a truly crappy one to play - to watch the woman you love go through this is rough enough without having to shoulder the responsibility of staying positive, keeping the family running smoothly and working full-time, all while waking up every three hours throughout the night for feedings, thus doing it all on very little sleep. You continue to amaze and inspire, honey - you have always been and will always be my hero.

Two weeks from today, on Oct. 15, I will go back to battle the chemo dragon again (#2 out of 6). This time, I will be armed with knowledge of what is in store for me, coupled with some good pain meds (hopefully! my doctor seemed reluctant to give me pain meds despite the fact that I was begging for them - and for me that is a BIG deal!) and all your love and support. I know that next time will likely be just as hard, as will each time. I will continue to draw on your generous offers of help and love to carry our family through this journey safe and sound...

Love, Amy, Brian, Drew and Ty

Pink Ribbon Chronicles - Part 7

Being deeply loved gives you strength; loving deeply gives you courage - Lao Tze.

It's only appropriate that I start this note with such a strong, perfect quote. It has been a roller coaster of a week, and the only way I've been able to get through it is by being deeply loved by you all, and my loving you all deeply in return.

Last Friday, August 28, I faced and conquered my biggest fear through this journey - a 7 hour surgery to remove the cancerous breast tissue from my body. I won't lie - I was more scared than I have ever been, about the possibility of going under and never getting to see my dearest friends and family again. I was terrified of the unknown - how I would feel waking up, what recovery would be like, whether it would all be too much for me to take. When I came out of surgery Friday night, I felt so relieved that the worst was over, I was alive and the cancer was gone.

As Brian mentioned in his Friday evening update, the surgery turned out to be a bit longer than planned because the surgeon did find that the cancer had in fact spread to my sentinel lymph node. Because of this, they took 9 lymph nodes (apparently a lot to take - usually they only take 1-4) to analyze for additional cancerous tissue. Luckily, when the tissue was analyzed post-surgery, the only node that they did find cancer in was the sentinel node - which is very good news. It won't alter the course of my future treatment, but is a major positive that it hasn't spread further. It also affirms that we were lucky we found and removed the cancer when we did - this proves it was trying to spread to other parts of the body, which would be very bad.

Regarding recovery, it has not been an easy week, but again, one that has taught me a lot about myself, my absolutely incredible husband, friends and family, and the kindness of the human spirit. I had mistakenly thought I would be one of those people who recovers in a week, but alas, am finding that it will definitely take some time before my physical healing is complete. I also was under the mistaken impression that Vicadin takes away all pain - ha, what a joke! I shudder to think what kind of pain I would be in were it not for Vics! Yikes! However, mentally, I seriously feel so fortunate to have so many people thinking of me, praying for me, and doing everything they can to help me through this crazy time. You have all helped out in very special and unique ways - I will never forget them.

We have already had one follow up meeting with the plastic surgeon, which went very well, and will have a few more follow ups before they feel comfortable scheduling the first round of chemo. We will let you know once that has been determined.

In the meantime, thank you to Nicole for organizing the Race for the Cure! I am honored that so many of you want to participate, and excited to see all of you that weekend and know that you are standing strong behind me. It will be a great weekend for bald people. :)

I am trying to be strong and courageous, but any healing thoughts and prayers would be much appreciated. As you all know, being the patient person I am (NOT!) I am ready to start feeling 100% again instead of 60-75%!

Much love,
Amy, Brian, Drew and Ty

Pink Ribbon Chronicles - Part 6

Being deeply loved gives you strength; loving deeply gives you courage - Lao Tze.

It's only appropriate that I start this note with such a strong, perfect quote. It has been a roller coaster of a week, and the only way I've been able to get through it is by being deeply loved by you all, and my loving you all deeply in return.

Last Friday, August 28, I faced and conquered my biggest fear through this journey - a 7 hour surgery to remove the cancerous breast tissue from my body. I won't lie - I was more scared than I have ever been, about the possibility of going under and never getting to see my dearest friends and family again. I was terrified of the unknown - how I would feel waking up, what recovery would be like, whether it would all be too much for me to take. When I came out of surgery Friday night, I felt so relieved that the worst was over, I was alive and the cancer was gone.

As Brian mentioned in his Friday evening update, the surgery turned out to be a bit longer than planned because the surgeon did find that the cancer had in fact spread to my sentinel lymph node. Because of this, they took 9 lymph nodes (apparently a lot to take - usually they only take 1-4) to analyze for additional cancerous tissue. Luckily, when the tissue was analyzed post-surgery, the only node that they did find cancer in was the sentinel node - which is very good news. It won't alter the course of my future treatment, but is a major positive that it hasn't spread further. It also affirms that we were lucky we found and removed the cancer when we did - this proves it was trying to spread to other parts of the body, which would be very bad.

Regarding recovery, it has not been an easy week, but again, one that has taught me a lot about myself, my absolutely incredible husband, friends and family, and the kindness of the human spirit. I had mistakenly thought I would be one of those people who recovers in a week, but alas, am finding that it will definitely take some time before my physical healing is complete. I also was under the mistaken impression that Vicadin takes away all pain - ha, what a joke! I shudder to think what kind of pain I would be in were it not for Vics! Yikes! However, mentally, I seriously feel so fortunate to have so many people thinking of me, praying for me, and doing everything they can to help me through this crazy time. You have all helped out in very special and unique ways - I will never forget them.

We have already had one follow up meeting with the plastic surgeon, which went very well, and will have a few more follow ups before they feel comfortable scheduling the first round of chemo. We will let you know once that has been determined.

In the meantime, thank you to Nicole for organizing the Race for the Cure! I am honored that so many of you want to participate, and excited to see all of you that weekend and know that you are standing strong behind me. It will be a great weekend for bald people. :)

I am trying to be strong and courageous, but any healing thoughts and prayers would be much appreciated. As you all know, being the patient person I am (NOT!) I am ready to start feeling 100% again instead of 60-75%!

Much love,
Amy, Brian, Drew and Ty

Pink Ribbon Chronicles - Part 4

Hello again!

Well folks, it's time for the real party to begin. We're adjusting to, and loving life with a newborn and 4-yr old and are now ready to embark on the next step of the journey that will ensure that we have many, many years of being a family together.

Tomorrow, August 28, I will undergo a bilateral mastectomy at Sky Ridge Hospital at 2:30 p.m. We will be admitted at 9:30 a.m. for pre-surgery procedures, so will be spending the whole day preparing mentally and physically. Brian and I met with the plastic surgeon this morning for a final consult and "marking," and I now look like a warrior painted for battle with red, green and black markings all over my chest - ROCK ON Indian Princess Warrior! I think it's highly appropriate that the cancer knows I am on a warpath to kick its ass - watch out Big C! Having never been in a hospital aside from having babies (I've never had any anesthesia or previous surgeries) I am a little freaked out... OK I'm terrified. I would love any prayers, thoughts, positive energy, etc. you can send my way tomorrow afternoon. Apparently the surgery will take 4-5 hours, and I will stay at the hospital only one night. Gulp. Brian will send out an e-mail after the surgery letting everyone know how it went and include any other news (i.e. lymph node involvement). I am ready to have the cancer gone from my body, hopefully to never return, but am understandably anxious and nervous about tomorrow and the weeks of recovery following. I'm crossing my fingers, hoping for the best, and taking a giant leap...

In other BC-related news, I did receive word that I tested negative for the BRCA-1 and BRCA-2 genes. Basically, this test is used to determine whether I am genetically pre-disposed to breast and ovarian cancer. Testing negative was a huge relief, as it means I am no more likely to develop ovarian cancer than the "average" woman. Had I tested positive, I would have had a huge chance of developing ovarian cancer in the future, so it probably would have meant facing surgery to remove ovaries and enduring the menopause that would have gone along with that. Insert huge sigh of relief here.

Also, the PET scan I had on Friday has indicated that there is no other metastatic cancer in my body - AKA the cancer has not spread to my liver, brain, etc. We are obviously glad to hear that news; however, since the PET scan can only detect huge masses of cancer cells (as opposed to one single cell that might multiply and result in a huge mass) chemo will still be necessary to kill any microscopic cells that would go undetected by a PET scan.

OK, now for the fun part! Seriously, this part really is fun. My good friend Nicole Rosener has offered to organize a team to participate in the upcoming Race for the Cure on October 4. I think it will be an awesome celebration of survivorhood (and with the head shaving party being two nights prior) a nice opportunity to debut my new wigs and/or bald head (depends on how crazy I'm feeling). I am thinking the 1-mile walk will be about my speed 5 weeks post surgery (and 6 weeks post-baby), although you all know that I sometimes get a wild hair or two, so don't be surprised if I decide to go all out and walk or run the 5K just to prove a point! :) If you are interested in joining us, please e-mail Nicole at nrosener@comcast.net. The walk is at 9:00, and I promise to have everyone home in time to watch football that day - trust me on this; we're still trying to figure out why in the world race directors plan races for Sundays during football season! Nic will have additional info, but FYI, here's the website with more details.

Thank you again for all your e-mails, texts, phone messages, cards, etc. - your words of positive encouragement and support have been, and continue to be, invaluable to Brian and me. We apologize for not responding in a timely manner - we have to admit, it is difficult to give our boys the attention they deserve and try to maintain a "normal" life, all while preparing for surgery, etc. Know that we appreciate your gifts and thoughts more than you know, and someday we promise you will receive a thank-you note! It just might not be soon!

Love to you all...
Amy and Brian

The Pink Ribbon Chronicles special edition - Ty's birth!!

Hi,

We are happy to announce that we have completed "Round 1" of our journey - the birth of our second son, Tyler (Ty) William McDowell! We are glad to be home with a happy, healthy baby - by far, the best, and most important, part of our adventure. Here are some pictures of the little guy and his very proud parents.

As Brian mentioned in his e-mail announcing Ty's arrival, we successfully delivered Ty with no pain meds (as we did with Drew). Many people ask me why this is important to me. The answer is several fold - yes, I do believe that it is in the mama's and baby's best interests to go drug-free - despite what doctors will tell you, there are simply too many risks to the mommy and baby to be completely sure it will not affect either negatively. But the real reason that I love giving birth naturally is the empowerment I feel afterwards - the feeling that because my husband and I have taken on this immense challenge together and succeeded, that I, and we, can take on anything life dishes out at us. Obviously this feeling of empowerment was especially important to me as we take on Round 2 and beyond of our journey. I am honored and blessed to have such an incredible life partner that stands by me, helps me achieve my wildest dreams, and sticks by my side through all of life's challenges - I love you so much honey.

As always, thank you for your thoughts, prayers, cards, e-mails, texts, Facebook messages, etc. I truly believe that your prayers and thoughts carried us through the challenges we faced during and after delivery, and I truly thank you for the strength your positive energy brought us.

I received a card today that had an incredible quote that I adored: "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us" - Ralph Waldo Emerson.

I think it is such an awesome quote, and will use it to draw on in the weeks and months that lie ahead, so thank you Susie and Sara for providing me with such inspiration! But first I will be finishing my second glass of wine and enjoying every single second with my precious, perfect, HEALTHY baby - what a gift he is to our family right now.

Next step: enjoy being a family of four and the incredible gifts we have been given!! After that: Round 2 begins on Aug 28....

All our love, Amy, Btian, Drew and TY!!!!

Pink Ribbon Chronicles - Part 3

Hi,

Well, the fun is just about to begin!

At least we get to start with the good part, the birth of our son Ty! We would LOVE for him to come on his own tonight (please send all your positive vibes for a spontaneous, fast labor and easy delivery!) but if he doesn't, we will be induced at 7:30 a.m. tomorrow morning at Littleton Hospital. While we would prefer not to have to induce, we are totally OK with the induction should it happen. We are familiar with Pitocin, the drug often used for induction, having been through it with Drew (and still achieved our dream of a drug-free birth), so are ready and excited for this journey! Please send strong, happy vibes our way - we appreciate all your love and energy. We'll let you know just as soon as Ty has made his grand entrance into the world!

We have scheduled a date for the bilateral mastectomy at Sky Ridge Medical Center for Friday, August 28 (2:30 p.m.). I will be in the hospital for one night. The surgeon was not comfortable waiting any longer to do the surgery, so unfortunately I will have less than 2 weeks to breastfeed. However, I am SO lucky that I have seven angels that have selflessly agreed to pump their milk and share it with Ty. I feel so blessed that I will be receiving this amazing gift from them - truly incredible. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. If you know of anyone else who would like to contribute, let me know! We are eternally grateful!

We are told that 3-4 weeks after surgery I will be recovered and ready to start chemo - somewhere around Sept. 18 or 25. So, we are tentatively planning the head-shaving party for Friday, Oct. 2 or possibly Sat, Oct. 3 at our house. Time TBD - but be assured that alcohol will be in abundance and it will be a FUN evening that you won't want to miss! :)

Some of you have been asking how I found the lump. I'm not trying to scare anyone, but it was not found through a doctor, mammogram or other technology. It was ME that found it, putting on a sports bra to work out two weeks ago. In reaching out to other survivors in the community and on the web, I have found the sheer number of young (29-35 yrs old) women diagnosed with breast cancer to be absolutely shocking. Most insurance companies will not cover yearly mammograms until at least age 35 - many will not until age 40. And even yearly exams by your doctor are not enough to catch a rapidly growing tumor before it has possibly done some serious damage (i.e. spread) to your body. Depending on the aggressiveness of the tumor, it might be the size of a pea one year and the size of a walnut or bigger the next year. Friends, PLEASE do monthly self-exams in order to know what is normal for you, and more importantly, PLEASE report any oddness to your doctor and INSIST they have it checked out via mammogram and/or ultrasound (I had both, in addition to a biopsy to confirm the diagnosis). I initially wished I just wouldn't have said anything, ridiculously thinking that if I hadn't, it might have gone away on its own. HA! I know, it is scary - but 80% of lumps do turn out to be non-cancerous, so you're probably just fine. Keep in mind that 1 in 8 women will get breast cancer sometime in their lives, though - and with the number of young women diagnosed on the rise, it is imperative that you be pro-active about it.

OK, I'll get off my soap box now, but I need you to know how important this is - as horrible as it has been to deal with a breast cancer diagnosis while pregnant, I am thankful every day that I WAS pregnant. I found the lump on a Monday, had my weekly appt. with my dr. two days later (because I was pregnant) and had an ultrasound two days after that. Had I not been pregnant, I probably would have waited until my next yearly appointment (usually in January) to tell my Dr. about the lump and who knows what could have happened by then. My tumor was small when I found it (1.7 cm - a little bigger than a pea) but given its aggressive "markers" (hence the need for chemo, herceptin, etc.) who knows how large it could have gotten by January, and how far it could have spread.

Thank you all again for your kindness, love and generosity. Monday will be "round one" of our journey, and from there Brian and I will take one day at a time. We are trying hard not to be afraid of what lies ahead, and know that we will get through it with your help and love. Huge apologies again for not being able to return all your messages, e-mails and cards. We appreciate every single one of them, and think of you all daily. We are so thankful that all of you are in our lives - we're just a tad overwhelmed, and know things will just get crazier from here on out! Please know that we are thinking of all of you often and can feel your love and support.

Stay tuned for pictures of our new Baby Ty soon!!! And don't forget to keep those good vibes coming for a fast, easy delivery and healthy baby and mama! :)

Love, Amy and Brian

Pink Ribbon Chronicles - Part 2

Hi,

Well, it's been quite a week. In one short week, Brian and I have learned so much more than we ever wanted to know about breast cancer through talking and/or meeting with with plastic surgeons, oncologists, radiologists, ultrasound techs, etc. - you name it, we've covered it this week if it has to do with breast cancer. In addition, we've also had our regular baby ultrasound and meetings with our OB to discuss baby Ty's arrival. However, after an exhausting, overwhelming week, we are totally at peace with the decisions we have made and feel incredibly lucky to have such an incredible, talented group of doctors working together to help us conquer this.

I personally have had the opportunity to talk and/or e-mail with 10+ women aged 29-47 (at diagnosis) who have supported me, encouraged me, inspired me and given me the knowledge that I am far from alone in this, and that I will emerge from it all a stronger, more confident woman. For this, I thank them from the bottom of my heart. I already know that lifelong friendships have begun to form, and while I would not wish this on my worst enemy, I feel lucky to know these women and have them in my life forever.

I also feel truly lucky to have my incredible husband by my side. He has truly been my rock throughout this, and I feel so incredibly lucky knowing that he will stand by my side and love me no matter what - hair or no hair, breasts or no breasts. I do believe I am a strong woman, but there is no way I could get through this without him. I love you so much, your love will never cease to amaze me.

So - on to the fun stuff. On Monday, before meeting with the doctors and learning about all the fun goodies that are in store for me, Drew and I were out for a walk and happened to come across this saying carved into a stone wall:

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." -Eleanor Roosevelt

It immediately caught me in my tracks, and I had to stop and grab a pen to write it down, just knowing in my heart that it would become an important quote for me to focus on during my journey.

As the week progressed, I realized that indeed this quote would be an important one for me - one that will keep me going through the tough times. At the end of the week, I was faced with, and dealt with, fears I would never have been able to handle on Monday. Through conversations with some incredible people and realizations of what it will take to make my body healthy and whole again, and again, with the support and love of Brian, here is what our journey will hold for us over the next year:

1) Ty will be induced on Monday, Aug 17. Please hold good thoughts for a safe, natural delivery and healthy baby. I am assured by my Dr. that a 38-week induction poses no problems to the baby, but positive thoughts are greatly appreciated anyway!

2) For various reasons, namely that I never want this horrible disease to bother me or my family again, Brian and I have chosen for me to undergo a double mastectomy. This will happen at Sky Ridge within 2 weeks of delivery - date TBD.

3) Because of the "markers" on the cancer cells (for those who really like a lot of information - Estrogen negative, Progesterone positive, Her2Neu postive) I will have to undergo additional treatment post-surgery to ensure no cancer cells are left that might attack other parts of my body. Unfortunately, this does involve chemo - beginning 3-4 weeks after surgery, I will go in once every three weeks for a total of 6 sessions (roughly 4 1/2 months) for 3-4 hours while they pump me full of chemicals that will kill the cancer cells. Luckily, there are lots of drugs out there that supposedly really help with the nauseau that used to be common with chemo, but unluckily, no one has discovered an anti-hair loss drug yet. (Come on, people, get on that - that's MUCH more important than a little vomiting, for God's sake! :)) So yes, my hair will fall out, but don't worry, I am already planning a ceremonial head-shaving party that will involve lots of alcohol and friends, friends' husbands, friends' kids, anyone who has always wanted to shave their head. Brian and I will definitely be participating; just let me know if you have an inkling to shave your head - if you come, at least one person in your party is obligated to shave their head. More info on that later.

4) In addition to the chemo, because my cancer is Her2Neu positive, after chemo is over I will still have to go in every 3 weeks for another 7 1/2 months for 45-minute treatments to directly fight that particular part of the cancer. Since this is not a true chemo drug, however, my hair will start to come back, and this is supposedly a pretty "easy" drug, just a pain to go in all the time for treatments.

5) The one unknown in the post-op treatment until after the surgery is whether or not radiation will have to be tacked on to all of this. The way this will be determined is if they find that the cancer has spread to my lymph nodes - this can only be tested after surgery. Again, please think positive thoughts on this.

We so appreciate all your thoughts, prayers and offers to help - believe me, we will be taking you up on them! We apologize that we have not been as responsive as we would like to be, but know you understand that trying to process diagnosis, make these tough decisions and make sure Drew is as unaffected as possible throughout it all - all while trying to prepare for the arrival of a newborn - has been a rather challenging endeavor. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts - we love you all.

Love, Amy and Brian

Pink Ribbon Chronicles - Part 1

Hello Friends,

I would love to say that this e-mail is to announce the arrival of Baby Ty... but unfortunately, its purpose is to convey some bad news we received last week.

I have been diagnosed with breast cancer, which means that we will need to deliver Ty around Aug 17 (38 weeks) and undergo surgery/other treatments shortly after Ty's birth to get rid of the cancer.

After some initial tough days, we were fortunate to have a very informative meeting on Friday with a breast surgeon, who I personally grew to love over the course of an hour and a half (as much as you can love the person who will be removing all or part of your breast) :) During the course of the meeting, we learned much more than we ever wanted to know about breast cancer (we'll spare you most of the details) but the key things we learned about my cancer are these:

1) The kind of cancer that I have is ductal in nature (as opposed to lobular), which is important b/c it means that there is only a 5% chance that it is in the other breast. We will find that out for sure next week via mammogram/ultrasound.

2) It is a grade 2 cancer (which addresses how quickly it's growing) - as opposed to grade 1, which is very slow growing, or grade 3, which is very quickly growing. Note - this does NOT have to do with what "stage" the cancer is in - we won't know that for sure until after post-baby surgery. The stage your cancer is in will determine if chemo is necessary, so again, we don't have that answer, but are hoping to avoid it obviously.

3) In addition to the lump, which definitely needs to be removed via surgery, there are other "suspicious" calcifications within the breast. There is no real way to tell if these are cancerous at this point, as the test to determine that is not feasible during pregnancy. However, both the radiologist and breast surgeon seemed to think that they are a problem. Thus, we are most likely talking mastectomy vs. lumpectomy. A major benefit of mastectomy is there would be no radiation involved, plus the recurrence is just 1-2%. With a lumpectomy, there would definitely be radiation involved, and the recurrence rate is 10-15%. And that's all assuming that the calcifications turned out to be benign, which again, no one really thinks that they are.

So - our next steps are to talk to a medical oncologist (who will apparently explain what other types of drugs, chemo, etc. that might be necessary, based on future tests), a plastic surgeon (who will obviously help should we choose mastectomy) and our OB-Gyn (who will set a date for Ty's induction).

But the basic plan is that we will induce Ty's birth around Aug 17 (38 weeks), then plan to have the rest of the testing within that week, and surgery (probably mastectomy/reconstruction) within 1-2 weeks. The good news for me is that I will at least get to breastfeed Ty for 1-2 weeks, and the breast surgeon is very optimistic that I will be able to continue to breastfeed for as long as I want to on the "good" breast, two things that are very important to me.

I know this might not sound like great news - losing a breast was certainly not on my life "to-do" list. However, if it means that my chances of ever getting breast cancer again are vastly reduced, I get to skip radiation, and I get to enjoy my family and friends for many more years to come, it's totally worth it. For now, we're just praying that the cancer is limited to the left side, and that I have a chance of avoiding chemo. I'd love to avoid hormone (drug) therapy too, but for now, we don't have that answer either.

OK, so we didn't manage to spare you ALL the details, but you should all know by now that I am not a short-winded kind of gal.

Brian and I are assured that I will be around for years to come, and that a year from now, we will have a happy, healthy 1- and 5-year old that we will get to enjoy many memories with, and a happy, healthy mama too! In the end, that's all that matters. Thank you again for your love and support. We'll keep you updated as dates get set for surgery, etc. We know that trying to recover from breast surgery while getting used to life with a newborn and 4-year old will not be easy, and probably not too fun, but we know we'll get through it, as well as any additional treatments that may be coming in the months to come.

Please send all your positive thoughts and energy for a healthy baby and optimistic treatment outcome.

We love all of you!
Amy and Brian